here she arrives

I trepidatiously took a pregnancy test Sunday, and it was negative. Hope against hope I took another one Tuesday, that too was a "-". I had a consultation visit with my RE Wednesday so I took another one that morning. Funny how even though the odds are nonexistant, this heart still wants to believe a miracle may happen.

So we had our visit with the RE yesterday. We went prepared, and this time he actually spent a good 30 minutes with us, even though I could tell his staff were anxious to head home and start their Thanksgivings and I was his last patient of the day, he took his time. Which was so nice, given how he's always so rushed.

We got our questions answered, and more so than before the RE was really negative about PCOS and chances of conception. I've done 3 cycles of clomid with him and responded well enough follicle wise, we've forced ovulation with ovidrel, done the IUI and it hasn't stuck.

We asked him what he thought should come next and he surprised us by saying IVF. We had thought we had a ways to go before that. It was a real shocker. You always think of that as the final fronteir. I need to do more research into this, but he was saying in his experience he doesn't reccomend injectibles for PCOS patients... hm. Anyhow, since I'm traveling this month and we need some time to think about the IVF, we decided to do a clomid + injectibles month.

I leave for London Saterday and it was stressful once again to think I may miss a month as the dr won't let me start clomid without first doing a sonogram... and I hadn't gotten my period yet. He gave me a prescription for prometrium if need be, but no need for that. Period arrived today, right on Thanksgiving. Might have been the Crinone but it was really painful and I took 4 extra strenght tylenols and took a nap- it was that unbearable physical pain.

In a way I knew she'd be here soon, given the negative preg tests, but it's still crushing each and every time. And in a strange way comforting once you get over the devastation, to now tackle a new month.

So I'll go in for my sonogram Saturday morning. I'll do clomid day 3-7, and start the injectible (Gonal F) on Day 10. He said I'd have to come in for sonograms every other day to be monitored while on teh Gonal F...

Since injectibles will mean possibly more mature follicles than the one I've had each month with clomid, it's optimistic. But I don't know...

Anyhow, hope you all had a much better Thanksgiving than I did. I just spent it with the husband and told him a million times how thankful I am for him. Other than that it has been a crappy year, and I find myself hard pressed to be thankful for much else. Ungreatful I know. But it's been that sort of day.