Wednesday, September 29, 2010

2 weeks

(husband and Birdie, hand in hand)

My little Birdie is 16 days today. I still have a hard time believing it. On the one hand, it feels like she's been ours forever. On the other, when I was uploading her just born photos online, I couldn't believe how much she'd changed already. Time seems to be going just too fast!

We haven't had too many visitors, still getting used to our new family unit, and Birdie's unpredictable schedule.. But the other day, my good friend H who had a baby 2 months ago stopped by with her little man. I'd seen him when he was two weeks old, and it blew both me and my friend away how huge he looked in comparision to Birdie (who looked teeny tiny at 7.3 lbs). As gorgeous as he looked and as envious as I was of his playfullness, it hit me just how she won't be by tiny newborn for very much longer (sniff).

...Thanks ladies for inquiring how we're doing. I am doing fine- first two weeks I had the typical soreness and tiredness but I think all things considered, I did pretty well in terms of recovery. I was definitely overwhelmed and may just now be getting out of the "dazed" phase but I feel good physically. The big thing for me is sleep, and (knock on wood) Birdie's been sleeping a good 5-6 hour stretch every night for the past ten days. I've gotten better at falling asleep when she does. Once she wakes, I change her diaper, nurse her, and on good days she goes right back to sleep for another 3 hours, and on not so good days, I'll have to rock her and she'll fall back asleep after an hour or so. Still, I consider myself incredibly blessed to be getting 6-7 hours of sleep a night with a newborn! Armed with some sleep, I find myself far better able to deal with the day to day crazyness of life with a newborn.

So how is Birdie doing... First few days, she was fine. Then my milk came in (I seem to be a milk producing machine) and she gained the weight she had lost after birth. Her poo became the yellow mucuousy dream poo they tell you to look out for, she was napping day time, and sleeping night time. And then bam all of a sudden around day 10 she's become fussy. I think our poor girl is having reflux issues, so after talking to the nurse at the Pediatrician's, I've started feeding her on a slight incline, keeping her upright 5-10 minutes after feeding and placing her head on a soft baby pillow. It seems to have helped, and some days she's an absolute angel, and others, she won't nap and tires herself out. Yesterday for ex (my second day home alone), from 7am-5pm we basically did this routine: diaper change, feed, she falls asleep at my nipple after 10 minutes, I rock her and when I transfer her to her crib, she awakens almost immediately, and starts wailing. The only thing that comforts her is to be fed more... Everyone and their mother tells you to get them to feed longer, but it's easier said then done.

While pregnant, I had this image that we'd go on walks and I'd still be out and about with my newborn, but with her constant feeding (and my not being very comfortable with feeding in public), and my seemingly thin skin when she cries, means we've been staying home mostly. In the evenings, we'll take her for a stroll in her pram, but I only seem to be able to do that if husband is with me. I am trying to hold out until she's three weeks old to pump and am hoping after that we'll be much more mobile. I even gave in and offered her a pacifier the other day after hours of wanting to suckle, and she wouldn't take it. It was the Avent Silicone newborn one. I'm thinking maybe I'll try another brand for when she's super fussy.

I don't mean to make it all sound bad. This morning, Birdie and I danced around to Beyonce for a good twenty minutes. Each and every time I look at her sweet face, it still takes my breath away. I greet her with a kiss each and every time she awakens wanting to be fed, because I am in still in awe this little being is ours. Diaper change isn't as gross as they make it out to be (I even enjoy our little diaper change song :). And when your little one smiles (even if it may not be a real smile) the way your heart melts is unlike anything else...But I also want to be truthful about how hard motherhood has been. If she doesn't cry, I have endless patience and could probably rock her 24 hours a day if need be. But something changes within me when she cries and I can't soothe her, I seem to loose it :(

So a few questions for you new mothers:

when did you start leaving the house regularly with your newborn?

any tips for soothing a fussy baby?

what do you do when your baby wails in public?

I also just want to say that with all the time I spend nursing, I'm glued to my iPhone and read all your blog posts... just haven't figured out how to comment using the iPhone Blogger app. So even if I've been silent on here, I've been lurking on your blogs :)

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Little Love is here

Our little miracle arrived Sept 13 in the evening. She is every bit as wonderful as we'd imagined.

After two nights in the hospital, we came home and have been busy since getting to know each other. And learning all about parenthood and understanding our daughter.

It's been... hard. Everyone tells you it will be, but for me the "surprise" was more how hard it has been to manage both my own body's healing/changes and the needs of our little baby. All things considered, we're doing pretty well. Especially on nights where little love sleeps 5 hours straight (this happened last night!!).

It's also been... fun. She is absolutely beautiful and interactive, and came out of the womb eyes wide open. And has been exactly the personality I'd envisioned her to be from her movements in my belly (stubborn, strong, a bit diva ;).

I have started and saved her birth story so many times... just haven't gotten to finish it. So I thought I'd atleast update you all to know she's arrived, and that we're doing wonderful.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

41w3d- still no baby

Ok ladies this is getting ridiculous.

I went in Thursday for a sono and little girl is snug as a bug and happy in the womb. Too happy it seems. Amniotic fluid levels were good too. And I still feel movement all day long.

She checked me and I was finally 1 cm dilated. Woohoo. I also requested she strip my mebranes and she did. I asked about castor oil and seeing I was dilated, she said it was worth trying since I'm hoping to avoid being induced.

Long story short, I took 3 tblsp of castor oil that night, and spent a few hours in the loo and then had 5 hours of intense contractions. Even called the OB at 5am, when the contractions were 5 mins apart. She said we could either go into the hospital or labor a little longer at home. We decided on the latter, and spent the time showering, getting the hospital bag ready etc. Lo and behold, two hours later, contractions started getting farther apart and eventually dissapearing. The OB called to check in and when I told her what had happened, she said it must be early stage labor and could last days.

Which it has. All of yesterday, last night and today I've had cramping and contractions (ranging randomly 10-30 minutes apart). I cannot say how frustrating and annoying this is. Not to mention painful. Add to this that I seem to have to go to the loo after everything I eat, resulting in painful hemarroids. I guess it's not punishment enough to have pain in your belly and back... pain in the ass has to be added to the equation.


My induction was to be scheduled for tomorrow, but the hospital was fully booked, so now I have been told to show up Monday night. On the one hand, it gives me one more day to hope baby girl makes her appearance naturally. But on the other hand, I'm just tired of this.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

how is this even possible?

Impatient to wait until tomorrow, I had the OB's sneak me in for an appointment today.

We did the NST- baby girl is apparently moving alot per usual in there and has a great heartbeat.

The OB checked me and.... still NOT DILATED at all!!! She seemed surprised. I even more so.

Really? I'm practically 41 weeks. How is that even possible?

I go back in Thursday for a sonogram.

And then if baby girl is still not here come Sunday, they will induce.

I am hoping to avoid that... though seeing how my body seems to be making no progress, it is a real possibility.

I asked the OB about castor oil today, and she said it doesn't harm, but she doesn't think it'd help either. That if I don't mind bouts of diahrrhea to give it a try... Has anyone tried drinking castor oil to bring on contractions?

Monday, September 6, 2010

Baby girl is still not here

I am 5 days past my due date, almost 41 weeks along.

I still have no real "signs". Have been cramping on and off, especially night time. Get really strong BH, especially when I go for my twice a day walks. TMI, but I've been going number 2 after every single meal (which I read somewhere is a sign?). But I've had all of these things for almost two weeks now, with no change.

I've been trying many forms of natural labor induction- nothing's worked:

I ate one whole pinapple- no result

I've been walking 3 miles daily- no result

Nipple simulation- no result

Love making- no result

Eating spicy food on a daily basis- no result

It's probably because I don't see any progression, I continue to feel really discouraged :( I haven't tried Castor Oil yet, but if the OB tells me I'm dilated at my next appt, I just may.

The Dr's was closed today, but I'm calling them first thing tomorrow to see if they'll fit me in tomorrow. I don't want to wait until Wednesday and I'm nervous that they haven't seen me since last Monday.

Thanks ladies for answering my Q in my last post. New Q for you: how exactly did BH feel different from real contractions? Usually BH for me lasts minutes at a time. I still don't get how long the real contractions last- is it just a sharp pain and tightening for a few seconds? And you time until the next one? Was it always accompanied by back ache? Having a hard time telling if I'm still only having much stronger BH or if these are contractions... ?

Thursday, September 2, 2010

40 weeks

Today is baby girl's due date.

If it wasn't already obvious- she isn't here yet.

I had another OB appointment Monday (last week's was just last Friday)- no progress. No dilation. No nothing. To make matters even more annoying, the OB's office is moving this week so they were closed all of the week and saw me Monday as a result. My next appointment is not until next Wednesday, at which point I'll be 41 weeks.

Sensing my dissapointment perhaps (?), the OB was telling me about the impending storm (Earl I guess) and how the L&D ward was quiet last week and the Dr's and nurses were joking about the calm before the storm and expecting a lot of births this week. Something about barometric pressure leading to labor... I don't know. I had my hopes up with the full moon theory, so I know better than to put too much stock into this one.. But I still am hoping... Let's see.

I'm still feeling pretty bummed out. But I have to say one sleepless night I started looking on my archives on this blog and came across the post I'd made Aug 2009, titled "hearbreak" where I was at my lowest point and questioned whether I had it in me to continue the IF battle. Reading that brought tears to my eyes, and made me say aloud "I have no right to complain". How far we've come in a year's time. But maybe it's because of how long we were TTC, plus the 9 months of pregnancy and waiting, but I feel like we've been waiting for this little one for years now. If I ever come across as ungrateful on this blog, please know I count my blessings daily. We're just a little impatient to meet our little miracle.