Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Thoughts on a starry night


Dear Baby,

the heat today got to be too much for your mama. Around 7pm this evening, I headed down to the pool. I was happy to find it empty. I waded into the water, my head filled with many thoughts. Missing my husband who's 11 time zones away... wondering about work I'd left behind... wondering... wondering... as we all do with the every day thoughts that litter our minds.

I was lost in some of these thoughts, some of the past and some of the future when I felt you give me a gentle kick. A small reminder to focus on the present. You must like it when I'm in the water because I feel you move more, reminding me, your mother you have your preferences too.

I started swimming around, relishing the cool and the slight breeze breaking through the humidity. I felt you move again. I then drifted in one of my favorite positions, lying on my back just floating there. The stars bright above me. And I could feel you moving every once in a while, grounding my thoughts to the present.

To how long we've wanted you and how "full" I already feel where that gaping TTC void was. To how we are just a few days away for our halfway mark, a day I most days had a hard time believing would happen for us. To how deeply and fastly I've fallen in love with you, and how I am slowly day by day starting to have faith that everything will be ok with this pregnancy.

As I lay my hand across my belly, and stared up at the sky, I was still and present. Focused on the now, and how beautiful life is right now. Overwhelmed with how much joy I felt, every inch of me alive.

It's so easy to forget how long we've wanted you and to forget to celebrate each day of your being in my belly for what it is. A miracle and the gift of life. Thank you for bringing me back to the present.

Love you, from before we've met,
your mama

2 comments:

Kelli said...

Beautiful, NYC...absolutely precious. :)

Katie said...

What a sweet, sweet letter to your baby! Can't wait to hear about your appointment next week!!